To the kind man on the other side of the suicide hotline,
I wish to say thank you.
Thank you for listening to me.
Thank you for helping make sure I was safe.
Thank you for keeping me alive.
You were there when my friends weren’t.
When the people who said they would never leave, left.
I wanted to die.
But you talked me down and listened to me ramble for an hour.
I will be OK again.
You took me seriously.
You didn’t sugarcoat things and you weren’t afraid of what I had to say.
You helped me make a plan to stay safe.
You laughed with me and cried with me.
You gave me suggestions of things to watch on Netflix.
You kept me alive.
And I appreciate it.
So Garrett — that was your name — thank you.
You don’t know how much you did for me.
I was afraid to call.
I didn’t think I was bad enough to call, but then I looked down at where I had self-harmed, and I was scared.
Because I wanted to die, but I didn’t want to die.
I wanted the pain to end. I wanted the ache in my chest to stop.
But I didn’t want to die.
And I am extremely grateful I did call.
Because I could have died last night.
But today is a new day.
And I am here to see it.
The pain is still there and I don’t ache any less, but I am still here and that is a victory in and of itself.